September 2015
Dear Finley and Henry,
Your mother and I are weighing the range of options with regards to your religious/spiritual/moral upbringing. I think it is fair to say that your mother is more churchy than I am. It is also fair to say that I enjoy Sunday morning NFL pre-game programs more than your mother does.
Mum and I were both raised in religious households. We both see value in the consideration of complex moral issues that religious study affords. We both met some great people through the church, and see value in belonging to a community of moral, ethical people who measure their behaviour against a set of standards that they consider virtuous. In our day, that meant the Church - Nowadays, I think that is less and less true for more and more people.
I won’t be disappointed if you dismiss the idea of religion. I won’t be disappointed if you adopt the idea. I will be disappointed if you do either without serious consideration. These are big issues. For much of human history, religion has driven humanity’s path. Wars. Deaths. Education. Art. Politics. Geography. Even Science. All heavily influenced by religion.
If you end up on the atheistic side of things, please think twice before criticising the beliefs of others. There are times I am jealous of those who have more faith than me. Religion can offer comfort and guidance to people who need it (warning: it can also take advantage of the disheartened and the lost). Many people smarter than me or you have had religious beliefs. It would be a mistake to brush them off cavalierly.
Taking kids to church can help them decide whether or not church is for them; taking kids to church can also indoctrinate them you into a particular belief system before they have the tools necessary to question the underlying assumptions. You can see my dilemma. But it is not a binary choice. There is a wide range of religions - as you grow up, don’t be afraid to dabble, but be wary of the hard sell.
There is mild church and there is strong church. Even within the Christian framework, you can find a stunning array of beliefs. Some think that the bible is a bunch of interesting stories that help us examine complex questions about how we ought to live our lives. Others think that a guy in a robe and hat can literally turn some dry bread into the body of a 2,000 year old dead guy who was also the son of an all powerful disembodied entity. If you look hard enough, you can find someone who believes just about anything. I advise against dismissiveness, but endorse a little skepticism.
I wouldn't oppose you joining a church for social reasons. Churches have long played that role. If you have to belong to something (and we do all have to belong to something) I suppose I would rather have you be a member of the average church than a member of the average motorcycle gang. But there are, no doubt, some churches that I would like less than some gangs. The world is like that. So you do have to watch where you step and take little for granted. But you could do worse than being a member of a good church.
Here is one rule of thumb: A good church, like a good doctor, is one that first does no harm.
Be suspicious of anyone who asks you to make sacrifices and more inclined towards those who demonstrate making sacrifices for others. In my limited experience, Lutheran and United are nice mild churches. So that might be an ok place to start if you are interested.
On the big religious questions themselves, the only thing I can tell you for sure about the meaning of life, the origin of the universe and what happens to our consciousness after we die is that I don’t know. I wish I had more to tell you. Either we have been put here as calculated elements of a plan with some purpose, or we are simply the result of a series of coincidences. I honestly don’t know. And I honestly don’t know which I would find more amazing. Please be skeptical of anyone who tells you they know for sure - that kind of belief suggests more zealotry than thoughtfulness.
As a pragmatic person (and bit of a card player) discussing issues of faith, I feel I should mention Pascal’s Wager, which is the logical argument that it is prudent to have faith in religion given that you could literally have everything to gain by believing. I find such calculations to be a bit cute, and such cuteness could void your pass into heaven. But the value proposition behind Pascal’s Wager holds true even if you heavily discount the likely effectiveness of Pascal’s Wager. Infinity is funny like that.
Like me, you might roll the ideas of infinity and belief and life and death and religion around in your head and eventually come up with a rough belief framework that is clearly flawed but generally serviceable. I hope you will have moments that fill you with absolute wonder, which may or may not spark religious belief. And I hope there will be moments when your bullshit meter is strong enough to save you from the charlatanism that exists in abundance.
At the end of the day, what I want you to know about religion is that it is still a powerful force in the world; that many people consider their religion their primary affiliation and compass; and that it can be a touchy subject.
What I want you to believe is: 1) that being nice to people seems like a good bet; 2) that we are fortunate to have everything we have, for however long we have it; 3) that it is presumptuous for any of us to think that we have all of the answers, and 4) that it takes a special kind of asshole to seek personal gain by abusing people’s uncertainty, desire for meaning and need for community.
I know this is a long letter, and even still it glosses over important stuff. There is a lot to say about religion (have you seen how thick the bible is?!) You have probably stopped reading and fired up the Nintendo by now. But please take note of this: I believe in you boys. I believe you will be good people and make good decisions. And I believe that is good enough.
Love,
Your Dear Old Dad.